He sits there in the aftermath
by Casketta
Summary: And listens as cars drive slowly past. TW: Planning of Suicide


_Will we remember all of the suffering?_

* * *

Izumo stands right above Misaki as his best friend, Totsuka Tatara tells them never to worry, and that everything is okay. He's dead now, shot dead and Homra is more alive than ever before. Misaki cries and screams, sobbing for Totsuka-san because goddammit, that man was a legend.

He was an idiot, but an amazing person.

Izumo has to bite his lip and turn away, to call Mikoto and tell him of the bad news. Mikoto stays silent during their chat and he's the one to hang up- because what's the point now? Homra loses on its most renowned members, and the blonde feels an empty hole gaping in his chest.

Unfortunately, the bartender is the second in command and cannot let everyone see his internal breakdown. With Totsuka gone, he feels like he loses his playfulness and his happiness, as if it's been drowned in alcohol and he can't do anything anymore. Izumo nurses his broken heart silently, with as much alcohol as he can handle, and then some.

Mikoto is the one who walks downstairs to a very drunk Izumo, who's loud and obnoxious- but that isn't what the King sees. He sees his Queen, his second in command mourning the loss of his left hand man, their Jester in a way. Slowly, he tries to calm the other down with little to no words, but it proves useless as Izumo screams and _screams_ for his best friend to come back to them.

Eight years fly by, don't they?

Finally, the Red King has Izumo pinned against a wall, and a bottle of straight imported vodka falls to the floor, echoing in the now quiet room. Those purple sunglasses are gone, and Mikoto can see through that protection. Izumo hides his eyes to hide his emotions, to hide the occasional glares and everything, but now he can read him so easily.

He sees hurt, torment and anger- three emotions that can drive you to do crazy, crazy things. He half expects Izumo to try and kill himself in the mental state he's in and instead of that very painful hold he's got his bartender in, he releases so he can hug him. He thinks this is how people cheer each other up, but he's surprised when the blonde wraps his arms around the other and starts to scream and cry.

Izumo makes his emotions as clear as possible, nails dig into that familiar skin and the taller male crumples and screams and cries because Totsuka didn't deserve to die like that, without dignity. Izumo would gladly take his place, because he thinks deep down that everyone would have preferred the quirky Totsuka to a grouchy bartender who may or may not be obsessed with his own inanimate bar.

"_Why_?" Is the only question he asks Mikoto, one that holds so much importance and destruction to his already swimming mind. Izumo is drowning a sea of mixed emotion and stress, and he needed someone to try and pull him out. All he wants is Totsuka back now.

And now when he looks at his King, he sees that same smiling face.

Sure Mikoto doesn't smile a lot, but that piercing on his ear reminds Izumo too much of Totsuka and sometimes he catches himself staring at it. Even after he tries to keep his eyes away, they are always drawn back to that warm light it shines. It hurts, it huts so goddamn much that Izumo pours himself a shot of tequila behind his King's back so he can try and deal with the pain.

Because if it's not Totsuka, it will soon be Mikoto and Izumo realizes this one night by himself. That Weismann level or whatever- it was too high. Mikoto could easily die now, it was inevitable. If they raided or got into a huge fight with the Blue King, there is that extreme possibility that Mikoto could exert too much power and leave him behind.

The power of the king would probably go to Misaki, because he's younger and has more potential. Izumo nurses his already broken heart as it just continues to shatter, no amount of alcohol has ever been able to glue those pieces back together. His heart becomes drunk and his mind is the one that pounds, because with Mikoto gone- what could he do?

He's losing another best friend to the inevitable now, and maybe that breaks his heart one final time. He decides that maybe, just maybe, suicide could be an option- to join his friends up in the clouds and the stars, to be reunited together. Izumo blames the alcohol at this point, making him depressed because that's what alcohol does.

His heart breaks a little bit more when he wakes up thinking the same thing.

For the rest of his days, the bartender hides his depression with that same smile, no one suspects a thing. Each night he tries to nurse his broken soul together with as much tequila he can suck down without anyone noticing. Tears always happen, every goddamn time because he feels so useless now. He couldn't do anything to prevent Totsuka's death, and now he can't do anything to prevent the future of Mikoto's death.

He dangles in the present tense and he can't look at the past, nor the future anymore. He lives his days out slowly, his face telling all the lies that he'll ever need to tell. People ask if he's okay, and he says he is. He sits the different members down, making sure they're doing okay and completely neglecting himself. Izumo stops eating sometime during those days, because he doesn't need food anymore- save it to the people with a future.

Perhaps he maybe has a suicide mission to carry out, because once Mikoto dies he very selfishly believes that if he dies too, then Misaki will be able to carry out Homra for the rest of his time. He thinks Mikoto knows something but he always keeps it hidden, making sure to occasionally nibble on some piece of food out in the open, to keep up appearances. After all, he needs to set an example even though he's being completely hypocritical now.

One night as he nurses his drunkenness, Izumo finds a small amount of rope tucked away in the bar- and he wonders why it's even there in the first place. His drunk instinct is to take it out and tangle himself, but the spread of his depression makes it look like a noose, one where he could hang him. Perhaps that's where his final decision is made, and he closes the cabinet, hoping he knows to use that when the time comes.

Izumo finally decides that when his King dies, he will too.

After all, it can get lonely without your Queen, now can't it?

And the last thing he wants is for Mikoto and Totsuka to be _lonely_.


End file.
